Definition: Being an Assertive Manager

This ‘Manage Assertively Approach’ is based on valuing the uniqueness of each individual you work with. This approach includes Seven Keys of Excellence. It is defined as follows:

1. Assisting others to realize their potential by encouraging them in a positive way.
2. Approaching matters in an active and initiating (rather than reacting) manner.
3. Communicating one's wants, dislikes, and feelings in a clear, direct manner without threatening or attacking.
4. Possessing a non judgmental attitude that diminishes the use of labels, stereotypes, and prejudices.
5. Respectfully listening to other's ideas, concerns, and feelings that maintains
   the other's feeling of positive self worth.
6. Being self-expressive by standing up for one's basic rights without denying the rights of others, and without experiencing undue anxiety or guilt.
7. Taking responsibility for oneself by not making other people responsible for one's actions, feelings, thinking, or for who they are.

Goals

The overall goals of being an assertive manager are to increase your confidence, professionalism, ability to deal effectively with people’s problems, enhancing your ability to manage your team, to increase productivity, and increasing your awareness of what action is appropriate at what time.

A manager gains respect through honest, clear, direct self-expression--the assertive approach to communication. When this type of communication is used, employees soon learn to trust you when you say something can or cannot be done. Being assertive also includes finding ways to explore options, recognizing there is more than one way to deal with problems than the ‘either/or approach’ might suggest.

Components of the Assertive Style

Being assertive includes four components:

• Verbal -- Your spoken words
• Cognitive -- Your mental processes
• Emotional -- The level of your feelings, vocal tone, and volume
• Nonverbal -- Your body language, facial expressions, and eye contact.

Your use of these components will strongly influence how your communication will be heard and will be accepted by the other person.

Verbal Component

First, it is best to use words that indicate that you feel good about yourself as well as about people. The words you use are critical because words represent who you are, what you believe, and how you think and feel. Your words carry energy ---"In the beginning was the word. . ." Words help you connect with others or to distance yourself from them. You probably have noticed that words include a certain tone, a particular look, and a specific posture.

It is imperative that you listen to the words you use. This can be done by listening to how you talk about others. Are you describing their behaviour non-judgmentally rather than labelling or name calling? It's critical to refrain from using such phrases as "You should", "You ought to", "You've got to", "You always", "You never" and "You did this all wrong". Avoid "red flag" words -- words that people are sensitive to and thus respond emotionally. Avoid being overly apologetic--don't use phrases like "I'll try", "I can't", or "I wish".

An assertive manager might replace “should”, “ought to”, “have to”, “must”, and so on, with such wording as:

• This is the procedure we use or system we follow.
• These are the laws (regulations) that we follow in this situation.
• These are the guidelines we follow.
• This is the way we found works best implementing this procedure.
• This is the way I want it done or like it done....for these reasons.

In place of "you never" or "you always" the manager would be specific, such as:

• This happened three times last week.
• This is the second time in the last two weeks you have been late getting your paperwork to me.
• The information on page two of this report was completed incorrectly.
• Let's review the steps you took to research this report.

The focus would be to approach the situation from a coaching assertive style rather than from a critical aggressive style.
 
In regards to the words, “I'll try”, “I can't”, or “I wish”, the assertive manager would respond to a request by saying something like, "I'll do it" and give a time frame when the request would be done; or "I won't be able to do it" and suggest an alternative time that is agreeable to both parties, instead of just saying "I'll try". (Remember, trying is an activity not an accomplishment.) Instead of "I can't", the manager would say "I don't have enough information or sources or training to do what you ask”. Then, discuss what could be done to get what is needed. "I wish" is replaced with "I've decided” and a plan to get it done would be developed. People who wish for things without a decision and a plan usually don't get what they wish for.

The following examples illustrate the points in regard to a manager calling attention to an employee's mistake:

Non-assertive Approach

1. "You did this wrong, again! You should know you shouldn't do it this way!"
2. "I wish you would try not to make so many mistakes."

Assertive Approach

1. "John, this particular procedure was done incorrectly. Let's review the steps you took and find out what happened. Perhaps you weren't given the proper information."
2. "Laura, usually you are accurate completing these types of procedures. Let’s examine what could be causing this particular one to be done incorrectly."

Cognitive Component

The cognitive component entails what you go through internally, such as; the beliefs that affect your perceptions and your thoughts, the corporate culture that often dictates how to manage others, past experiences that are still programmed in your memory, childhood family system that influenced your behaviour and how you think, and a variety of other influences. As an example: two of the messages clients I work with heard often as a child, "You shouldn't have fun until the work is done!" This command was still having an effect on their adult life, resulting in being a work-alcoholic, having very little fun because there was always work to do. The other one most often mentioned is "Children should be seen and not heard!" This command resulted in them not speaking up at the appropriate times, which lead them to be non-assertive and feelings of being taken advantage of.

Many times people set such rigid requirements for themselves that it is almost impossible for them to be assertive. Others use negative self-labelling to talk themselves out of being assertive, thinking, "No one will listen to me anyway" or "Why bother? I don't have anything of value to say anyway". Some of the clients I work with expect the worst to happen and then unconsciously visualize it happening. This is often followed by a negative affirmation such as, "See, I knew it would happen, I never do things right!" These kinds of negative self-talk are the result of a negative self-image, which developed into self-defeating behaviour.

An assertive manager would do just the opposite--expect to be successful at asserting themselves, then visualize it happening, followed by a positive affirmation such as, "I can speak up when I am prepared and have a plan" or “By stating my limits and expectations, I will have better working relationships." The following illustrations demonstrate the process.

Emotional Component

The emotional component includes the level of feelings expressed, the voice volume, and the tone of voice. It is important to state your message at an emotional level that fits the situation because your tone plays a crucial role in how your message is received by the other person. Do you know someone who has a tone of voice that is grating to your ears--someone who you would like to shut up as soon as he or she starts talking? Many non-management people that I work with respond defensively to those that sound too much like one of their parents; such as a parent that talked down to them or talked to them in a condescending tone. It’s amazing how past experience carries over what is going on in the here and now.

Nonverbal Component

Research studies indicate that what is being expressed nonverbally plays an extremely critical role in how people are perceived. Much of what you say to others is impacted by how you look, your body language, eye contact, gestures, and of course your tone and volume. The following breakdown of various nonverbal components were found to be of value to my clients to help them be more assertive:

• Eye contact: First of all, eye contact has different meanings in different cultures. It’s important to be aware in Asian cultures that eye contact is perceived as aggressive. It’s critical to be aware of this dimension of communication in different cultures. However, in many cultures you can weaken your assertiveness by looking away when giving a short direction or instruction. It is best to keep eye contact throughout the message. By looking directly at the other person you show that you are sincere and that indeed the message is directed at them.
• Facial expression: Make your facial expression consistent with the mood and message. A confusing double message can be expressed when your facial expression does not match your words, e.g. smiling while expressing anger.
• Silence: You can use a brief silence effectively by pausing to think or collect your thoughts. However, a long silence is often perceived as being unsure.
• Voice tone, inflection, and volume: These components can reduce or induce power. Whispering or talking in a low volume is often seen as an indication of being scared, timid or unsure whereas an overly loud voice is seen as aggressive and abrasive. A level, well-modulated voice tone is convincing without being intimidating. The volume needs to match the importance of the situation, and the message is best if stated definitively. A statement that goes up at the end like a question comes across as indecisive.
• Gestures: It’s helpful to accent your message with appropriate gestures. Finger pointing and shaking, a hand closed into a fist are most often seen as aggressive; wringing of hands appear doubtful, nervous, and passive.
• Body language: Assertive posture is relaxed rather than rigid, open rather than closed, straight rather than crooked. The weight of your message will be increased if you face the person squarely, sit or stand at the appropriate distance, listen and be attentive. Have your arms relaxed and open, rather than folded tightly across your chest.
• Rate of speech: A normal and moderate rate of speech will have the best effect. Most people can listen effectively when the speaker is talking approximately 250 words per minute. If you state your message too quickly or too slowly, the listener could perceive this as nervousness, anxiety, or hesitation.
• Timing: Spontaneous expression will generally be your goal, since hesitation may diminish the effect of being assertive. Timing can also determine if it is appropriate to be assertive. I know a person that had the habit of speaking up at the wrong time, i.e. his timing was off. Knowing when to take action or when not to take action is a crucial part of being assertive.

Summary

This management Byte helped you become aware of the kind of complaints workers have of their bosses. "These complaints fell into the category of non-assertive behaviours, passive and aggressive. It demonstrated the importance for a manager to respond to their staff in an assertive manner. You learned that being an assertive manager is based on valuing the uniqueness of each individual you work with. This is accomplished by applying the 7 Keys of Excellence - the assertive approach.
 
We covered the goals of being an assertive manager are to increase your ability to deal effectively with people’s problems, determine the appropriate action to take at the appropriate time, assertively communicate in a clear, honest, and direct way that focuses on building trust and respect with your team while listening respectfully to others' ideas, concerns, and different points of view.

You then learned that the assertive approach has four components: verbal, cognitive, emotional and nonverbal. Examples were given of these components and compared to the non-assertive styles. The importance of the cognitive component was discussed and demonstrated in terms of the differences between Positive and Negative Internal Processes. These processes begin with a person's self concept that lead to their self expectations that lead to their external behaviour that finalises in the feelings experienced.

You found out how important the nonverbal component is to being successful at being assertive, such as; your eye contact, the importance of matching the mood of the other person with appropriate facial expression, utilizing silence in a positive way, the critical ingredient of your voice tone and volume and how it affects others, the importance of gestures, how you hold your body, your rate of speech, and finally, timing - when to be assertive or not - depending on the circumstances.

Conclusion

Being an Assertive Manager can be challenging and demanding since most of us are programmed very early in life to be passive and/or aggressive. This continues through our schooling years and is largely demonstrated in the work environment.

I have found through the past thirty years, working with thousands of managers and supervisors in many organisations, being assertive is a learned skill. This entails having a plan of action and a commitment to carry it out to modify and improve your behaviour. This process can be exciting and discouraging at the same time. Many people expect change to happen immediately, and, when it doesn't, they give up. They experience the Cognitive Negative Process by thinking, "this might work for other people but not for me".

How quickly you will internalise the assertive style will be determined partly by your beliefs about change. Some people believe that change is hard and difficult. Needless to say, that's exactly how they experience change...hard and difficult. Other people resist change because they are uncertain as to the results they will get. However, knowing how change works and having a better understanding of its dynamics enables people to approach change from the Cognitive Positive Process.

The following two examples by Bob and Annette will provide you with a model of how it is done:

Bob, a manager for a large manufacturing company used to have difficulty being open to critical feedback. He applied the Cognitive Positive Process and the four step change process below. By doing so he gradually integrated an assertive style when being confronted with this kind of situation. As a result he was saved from a very embarrassing situation by a newly hired assistant regarding a special report he developed that he was to present at a high-level meeting. He could assertively-listen respectfully to his assistant when she pointed out a mistake in the report that resulted in a wrong conclusion.

Annette, a sales analysis supervisor at a toy company, needed information from Mr. Thomas, a sales manager, to finish a project. Annette was trying to analyse the success and failures of the pre-Christmas sales campaign and felt she needed to understand the sales manager's rationale for the campaign. She saw some inconsistencies in the sales figures but, on her own, could only get a partial picture of what had happened.

Annette felt fear and anxiety about approaching Mr. Thomas to get the information she needed. She examined why she had these fears by following the Cognitive Negative Process. Then she took steps to overcome them by developing a plan of action visualising her plan happening.

She set up a meeting with Mr. Thomas to review the figures and what had happened on the store shelves the year before. Had Annette succumbed to her qualms about asking for information from an authority, she would have spent weeks in research and might never have come up with an answer--while all the time the information needed was right at hand.

Both Bob and Annette had learned the "Change Process Model" while attending one of my "Managing Assertively" training programs. The model consists of a four-step process for integrating and internalising a new behaviour or skill so that the behaviour eventually becomes part of your behaviour pattern for improved effectiveness.



A major component of this change process is letting others know that you are going to be somewhat different in how you respond to them. It’s natural for people to like to be able to predict how you will behave. Some are even uncomfortable, even threatened, when they aren't able to predict accurately. By doing this it will most often decrease their discomfort. (I have found I could even request their support, and got it!)

The main point here is to plan your change so that your change will be gradual. You will find y

Back to top

FaceBook Twitter Reddit Delicious Digg StumbleUpon