There are, I suggest, three kinds of difficult people. These I call truly problem people, apparently awkward people and truly awkward people.
Truly problem people
It is a sad fact of life that we meet people who have deep problems. I would include in these, hardened criminals, the mentally unstable, drug addicts and alcoholics. My view is that these people need professional and skilled support. I have learned from bitter experience not to even begin to attempt to be a social worker. Turning a blind eye or covering up their inadequacies is often a great mistake. It does not help them and the emotional cost to you can be overwhelming. Only when people understand that their position will not be tolerated do they begin, possibly, to accept that they have real problems. The firm may choose to support some of their rehabilitation but my view is that this cannot be accomplished within the firm itself. If the truly problem people are clients, then, I believe, the firm should disassociate itself.
Such clients cannot only cause the firm great harassment but they can also help to destroy your reputation. I have a relation who, for years, received letters from a legal firm representing his next-door neighbour, requesting him to refrain from pushing worms underneath the fence in order to destroy his neighbour’s lawn. To the firm, it was probably a few pounds for a meaningless letter - I wonder if they realised how many people came to hear of this firm’s behaviour through his lifelong association with Rotary and Chamber of Commerce - both in senior positions. If they would take advantage of a confused old lady, then they were not, in his opinion, to be trusted with anything.
Apparently awkward people
There are many people whose behaviour annoys us but their behaviour is quite innocent. For example, they may be completely ignorant of certain situations or of certain facts - buying a house in Scotland, for example, is a different process to buying a house in England. There are also many other cultural differences and in our multi-cultural society, we should be wary of condemning behaviours when we do not understand the culture of the individual involved. We do have a tendency to stereotype people, perhaps because of their reputation rather than real experiences we may have had. We know that different cultures have different ways of communicating, that body language can be quite different and that standards of social behaviour will vary. This is also true of the different classes in society but certain regional accents do not necessarily mean that the person will be belligerent, nor do certain bodily afflictions such as deafness mean that the person is stupid.
One of the problems here is that we make things worse by our own behaviour. The solution is probably to review our own attitudes. We might, for example, ask for client feedback or initiate some independent research of our marketplace. We could send out detailed client questionnaires or do a quality assurance on a specific client interaction. We may undertake behavioural tests or attitudinal profiling which we could perhaps discuss when staff come together. Professionals are busy people, which can sometimes mean a lack of real communication with clients and with each other. Many professionals are poor people finishers; that is, they have moved on to the next task before completing the communication and human interactive needs of the previous task. In an increasingly competitive professional world, we cannot afford to ignore the feelings of our clients.
Truly awkward people
I think there are three aspects to truly awkward people:
Cultural issues:
We are all products of our upbringing but few of us question the values we hold. Many people believe that they adjust their behaviour to suit the people they are dealing with. The reality is often far from this. More often than not, people are required to take us as they find us without any real adjustment on our part. As service providers, I would argue that it is our responsibility to adjust more than the client. Often problems can be avoided with simple changes in behaviour. There is much advice available on how to achieve this and a good place is that old reliable “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Some people groan when they hear this but I find that few of them, if any, have ever read it. Those who do read it, will often comment that it is simply common sense - common sense which they frequently fail to put into practice.
Carnegie has much good advice including trying to see issues from the other person’s point of view, talking to other people’s interests, not criticising other people and not talking down to people. Professionals can have difficulty with some of these. If we are dealing with clients, we might try to speak their language rather than seeking to show how clever we are. Some clients, of course, are very difficult to persuade. Sometimes the feel/felt/find approach can work - “I understand how you feel about this” - “a lot of other people in your circumstances felt the same way” - “they found, and you may find, however .....”. If the truly awkward people are members of staff, particularly senior members of staff, then perhaps the assistance of an outside consultant might help. Through the use of profiling and perhaps, client surveys, staff at all levels might come to appreciate that there are choices of behaviours to suit different circumstances.
Behavioural issues:
Over a period of time, individuals can develop behavioural patterns, which are extremely frustrating to others with different patterns. Some become very pompous, or vague, or disorganised, or very meticulous and so on. As we get older and perhaps more senior in an organisation, these behaviour patterns can get even stronger. If these are clients, it is highly unlikely that they will see the need to change unless they perceive that it is to their benefit - even then, change may be impossible. It is a further reinforcement of my view that the role of a professional adviser requires acute people skills as well as technical skills. Even if we accept this point of view, many professionals do not focus to anywhere near the same extent on developing their personal skills.
I have often found two questions to be quite useful when dealing with truly awkward clients. The first is to ask what it is that the client is looking for in a particular situation - for example, “What do you want from your accountant?”; “What do you want to get out of this situation?”. Give the client sufficient time to really think about this and very often they will modify their unrealistic expectations themselves. If you tell someone they are unrealistic they will resent you but if they come to realise themselves that they are wrong then they are more thankful that you listened to them. Many times, one has to seek greater clarification - “What do you mean exactly by .....?” It has been my experience that many projects have ended badly because the project manager did not explore what the client really wanted from the project in the first place - they assume that they know and that it was their job to provide it.
A second question which is useful is to try to understand how clients are convinced of something - “How do you know that this is so?”; “How will you know when this is resolved?” This will very often give an indication of the internal processing of an individual. Some of us are external - that is, we listen to all the external evidence which presents itself (reports, appraisals, client views, statistics etc.) and it is this which convinces us. Others are internal - that is, they are motivated by what they feel inside themselves - “I know because I just know it inside!” These people are very difficult to persuade.
It has been my experience that many of the professions encourage internal behaviour amongst professional staff. The desire to be an even better technical expert is a reflection of this - “I know because I am the expert!” Internals will seldom respond well to being told that they are wrong - indeed, they will simply not listen. They will hear what they want to hear. Through prolonged questioning, often of a reflective or hypothetical nature, they may come to realise that their position is not tenable. Within a professional firm, strongly internal senior people can be very difficult to deal with. One thing these people will respond to, sometimes, is greater authority. So, for example, information about the behaviours of outstanding performers or outstanding firms, will cause them to rethink, however they may seek to discount the results of client surveys which are not complimentary. It is very difficult for more junior people to pursue this and the use of an outside aid is perhaps the only alternative. I may have advocated this approach several times in this paper but it has always surprised me how so many professional firms who make their living as external advisers are, nevertheless, reluctant to use external advisors themselves. It is always salutary to be on the receiving end.
Situational issues:
As professionals, we often find ourselves in a situation where emotions are heightened. Often our clients are feeling angry or fearful or impatient, or simply dissatisfied with the apparent lack of progress. Increasingly, it seems, clients are willing to voice their dissatisfaction and in strong terms. Within the firm, we may be on the receiving end of a complaint from a more senior member of staff. In general, one should expect that complaints are accompanied by some emotion. In response, firstly, listen to the complaint, staying calm and without interruption. When the complainant has calmed a little, one can respond positively - “Are you willing to explain this to me more fully so that I can make the changes which are necessary?”
The action here is to ask lots of questions, summarise their point of view and ignore any insults, which they may be making. It is a sad reflection that we often attack the person rather than their actions. When handling complaints, it is important not to rise to this. If an apology is in order, then make it and also ask what the complainant would now like you to do in order to remedy the situation, if this is possible. It has been my experience that complainants will often calm down and come to realise themselves that there is little that one can or could have done. They are simply venting their anger over a situation. If it is possible to find agreement and to agree an action, then do so. It is important not to duck the problem or to try to shift the blame somewhere else. Some people see a complaint as an opportunity to show that they care and to establish a process for resolving conflict in the future. Complaints are seldom black and white and there is usually some culpability all around.
Another situational issue which can cause conflict is when professionals find themselves in a practice development situation. This would include sales activity and client negotiations. The ritual of the situation implies that the power balance has shifted from the professional to the buyer. The buyer may become confrontational or disbelieving and many professionals find this difficult to deal with. They take criticism personally and they feel, often, that they are not coping very well with the situation.
My advice would be for firms collectively, to undertake some sales and negotiation training. Such training will not only attempt to provide alternative behaviours and equip professionals with new skills, but it will also work on the attitude and emotion that many professionals bring to a sales\negotiation situation. Taking the high ground of our professional position will not work these days. Clients have many anxieties about dealing with professionals and time spent exploring some of these is often highly productive. One of the greatest difficulties professionals experience is when clients feel they have paid too much for the service they have been given. Again, time spent at the beginning and during a project, explaining what is involved and the expertise which is necessary, will often prevent such conflict.