Introduction
How2 deal with negative co-workers in order to avoid major energy depletion
Main
Individuals in the latter category can produce or contribute to a wide variety of negative impacts within their organization, including:
- Increased irritability and lowered mood
- Dissension
- Reduced productivity
- Depleted personal energy, especially emotional
- Loss of high quality employees
- Difficulty hiring qualified new people.
Listening incessantly to negatively oriented people complaining can have an impact comparable to chronically negative self-talk. It can be highly debilitating, including to the speaker.
Reasons for negativism on the job
People are rarely born negative. The whining, crying, fussing, and temper tantrums of an infant are generally not indicative of unusual difficulties. Rather, they are a normal part of growing up, typical of the age. But what if this way of relating to the world persists over a period of years and becomes an integral part of the person's behavioral repertoire? Now there's a real problem!
Consider those individuals whose primary reaction to stress, disappointment, or frustration is to become negative, critical, hostile, or to entertain doomsday scenarios. They are frequently shaped by forces similar or identical to those that mould people into working to avoid negative outcomes (these people are referred to as "avoiders").
There are three main factors typically involved in the development of avoiders. These are:
- Consistently adverse childhood experiences
- Negative work environments
- Self-shaping through self-talk, etc.
Negatively oriented people often have been subject to consistently strong criticism in childhood, or they have frequently worked in places where a punitive management style prevailed, or on their own they have fallen into a pattern of counterproductive self-talk. In some cases, all three factors have operated strongly in their lives.
You don't have to be a mental health professional to comprehend or know what the long-term effects will be of persistent negative feedback during the formative years. More than likely this will produce adults who question their self-worth, harbor substantial pessimism, and simply don't feel good about themselves or anyone else.
For these individuals the world is an essentially unfeeling and punishing place where no one understands them or is sensitive to their needs. Since it is common to try to minimize punishment, they frequently become avoiders.
Other common reasons for consistently operating in a negative fashion include:
- Need for attention
- Need for sympathy
- Need for support
- An excuse for low productivity
- A means of covering-up laziness
- A method for redressing grievances
- A reaction to one's own personal weaknesses or failings
- A cry for help
- A response to prolonged stress
- A result of chronic depression.
How to identify negatively oriented persons
Just because someone occasionally makes a less than positive comment does not mean necessarily that they qualify for the label "negatively-oriented". Those who do qualify are characterized by highly frequent negative responses/statements, by the breadth and intensity of their negativism, and by the total or almost complete absence of positive statements or deeds.
To put it succinctly, they are not interested in developing plans, in achieving goals, or in enhancing either personal or organizational performance. What they do appear to have an interest in is venting their frustrations, getting things off their chest, informing everyone of how "bad" things are, and letting people know that they are miserable. These people often are not the least bit aware of the sometimes devastating results of their negativeness.
How to deal with negatively oriented co-workers
There are a variety of ways to deal with such people. I'll get to the bulk of the most basic methods shortly, but first let me share this idea with you:
If the person is a consistent nay-sayer, abandon any thoughts you may have about convincing them that things are really better than they think they are.
Chances are that the harder you push the idea with them that the world is a nicer and more positive place than they believe it to be, the more their negative worldview will be solidified. Beyond this, your efforts to help them "see the light" may be interpreted as an unwarranted intrusion into their personal lives. You may be viewed as lacking awareness of who they are as well as the nature of their needs. Or they may determine that you are insensitive to their feelings. In short, you may be seen by this person as one of "them", part of the great mass of uncaring, brutish people that regularly make their life more difficult. Their cynicism and distrust will be validated in their eyes, and they may become even more difficult to live or deal with.
But what can you do in such situations? Do you simply have to sit on your hands and do nothing, suffering in silence? The answer is a resounding "no". What almost everyone can do is to insulate themselves from such individuals to the degree possible.
Here are some ways in which this can be accomplished:
- Physically distance yourself from the person.
- Keep interactions as brief as possible. Be assertive. Don't merely ask if you can return to work. Tell them that you have to do so soon and then make sure you follow through. Don't be wishy-washy or make excuses. Be direct and forthright, not critical or punishing.
- A somewhat different strategy may need to be employed if the individual has substantial influence over the quality of your life on the job. If the person is your boss, supervisor, or clearly superior to you in regard to their standing in the organization, you may well have to employ subtler methods. You may still be able to reduce the amount of time you are in direct contact with them, but probably not to the degree that you could if you were their equal, let alone their superior. You probably would have to rely more on demonstrating your need to get back to your own work, and how this will benefit them as well as you.
- During interactions with the person, monitor and control your self-talk. Don't allow yourself to engage in lengthy periods of bemoaning your fate or cursing the Gods for having put the two of you in the same place at the same time.
- Monitor yourself for negative statements or actions. Are you giving off ‘negative vibes’, which may be attracting this kind of person? You need to minimize or terminate these.
- Focus sharply on maintaining as high a level of emotional energy as is feasible. By doing so you reduce the chances of negatively oriented people draining that energy to the point that it becomes a significant problem for you.
- After a particularly downbeat and emotionally-draining contact with a negative person, try as soon as possible to involve yourself in something which is energy-replenishing.
- Following intensive and/or prolonged interaction with a negatively oriented person, try to minimize your own negative self-talk, particularly that which relates to your misfortune in having to deal with such a person and/or rehashing the details of your get-together(s).
- Assess your primary work-related goals. Are you working mainly to achieve positive results, or to avoid negative outcomes? If the latter, negatively oriented people may pick up on this, and see you as a kindred spirit. They may feel that you are a natural ally, and thus try to solicit your support or seek sympathy from you.
- Talk to positively oriented people, as often as is feasible, especially following a protracted encounter with someone who is highly negative.
- To keep your head in the right place, and to minimize the chances of your being dragged-down by downbeat people, occasionally review your accomplishments.
Conclusion
The main message is as follows:
You don't have to be a victim just because someone is highly negative. There are a number of specific actions you can take to deal with such challenges to productivity, morale, and energy supply. Strengthen your ability to quickly recognize that you are in or about to be in such a situation. Don't try to change the unchangeable. No one may be able to change the orientation of certain negatively oriented people. Rather, focus on avoiding or minimizing their negative impact on you, and on taking action to keep from being depleted of energy, especially emotional.
Copyright, 2003, Mark L. Berman, Ph.D.