Believing in yourself
Confident people expect success and see failure as a temporary set-back on the road to achieving it. People who lack confidence expect failure and see success as an undeserved bonus. Confident people:
- Have a positive self-image
- Know and trust their own abilities
- Accept credit for their successes
- View failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.
In order to think this way, develop two positive attitudes:
- Keep constantly in mind a list of your personal strengths and achievements: e.g., relating well to people, past promotions and successes, academic qualifications . . .
- Distinguish between yourself and your actions when something goes wrong. If a project is completed behind schedule, you may think "I'M USELESS AT MEETING DEADLINES." That thought develops a negative self-image which you carry into the future. Alternatively, you may think "I SPEND TOO LONG ON THE PLANNING STAGE". That thought is the start of a positive learning process, which will help you improve your performance in the future.
Believing in yourself involves an objective look at everything you have done and can do and the recognition that failures as well as successes form part of the learning process.
Behaving assertively
People are judged by what they do - by their behaviour. The way you behave is usually more important than the way you feel, so, even when feeling unsure, you should behave confidently.
One way of showing confidence is to behave assertively. Assertive behaviour, however, is not aggressive or domineering behaviour - it is based on a recognition of your rights and of the rights of others.
You should accept that you are responsible for your own behaviour, thoughts and feelings, and that you are responsible for how others see you.
Confidence comes from a recognition not only of your own worth, but also of the worth of others.
Try this: Recognise your rights and responsibilities. You (and the people you deal with) have the right to:
- Express expectations and feelings
- Change your mind
- Make mistakes and learn from them
- Say "I don't know"
- Be treated with respect
- Ask for clarification
- Say "NO".
Think positively:
- Expecting success
- Learning from failure
- Respecting your own rights and responsibilities
- Respecting the rights and responsibilities of others.
Communicate positively- being respectful but firm:
- Listening actively
- Challenging when necessary
- Expressing feelings
- Taking responsibility.
Avoid:
Passive behaviour, which involves unquestioning acceptance of other people's assertions or instructions and leads to resentment, frustration and loss of control.
Aggressive behaviour, which involves argument and confrontation and leads to conflict.
Developing the trust of others
Trust takes time to develop. It is the result of long-term contact with another person leading to evidence that the other person's decisions are sound, that their work will be of acceptable quality and that their promises will be kept.
In order to gain the trust of other people with whom you work, you need to:
- Make sure that your decisions are consistent, reached after careful consideration and based on all available data.
- Take actions which meet the performance standards required by others.
- Promise nothing which is outside your power to deliver.
- Make sure that what you promise is realistic and that you honour your promises.
In addition, you can develop the trust of your staff by providing positive leadership, by being available and by representing their interests in your dealings with others.
Presenting yourself confidently
How others see you affects how they rate your confidence, and, therefore, how they behave toward you.
Try these:
- Always dress the part.
- Drive a car that says 'business' but not 'flash'.
- Make sure anything that you carry to represent your business is in excellent condition (business cards, brochures, samples, briefcase) and treat them with care and respect.
- Allow enough time before appointments to check that your appearance is neat, and to give you time to catch your breath and look relaxed.
- Speak up - but not so loud you are considered brash.
- If asked questions by a customer or client, do not be afraid to consider your answers first - a pause is not hesitation or uncertainty.
- If you get personal callers, make sure that your office looks organised and that you can lay your hands on documents you need. Make sure staff know what to call you when customers or suppliers are around or when they phone.
- Before meeting customers/clients, anticipate questions and rehearse possible answers - but do not let the answer sound rehearsed!
- Keep records of contacts - including first names, dates you last saw them or were in contact, interests, names of children etc. - a good memory inspires confidence.
- Use positive language.
- Take responsibility - say "I" rather than "they".
- Match your tone and gestures to your message.
- Do not fidget when talking or listening to others.
Assessing your own confidence
Assess your own confidence by completing this questionnaire. (You may find it helpful to print this out).
Knowledge
1. Do you know what your job is?
2. Do you know what your staff expect of you?
3. Do you have the technical knowledge needed for your job?
4. Are you comfortable with staff that know more than you about some processes, products or services?
5. Are you willing to admit when you don't know something?
Skills
6. Have you the necessary financial skills to succeed?
7. Have you the necessary marketing skills?
8. Have you the necessary operational skills?
9. Have you the necessary personnel skills?
10. Have you the necessary inter-personal skills?
Attitudes
11. Do you trust your staff?
12. Do you trust your boss?
13. Do you trust your colleagues?
14. Do you trust your firm?
15. Do you feel confident in your job?
Results:
- 14-15 "YES" answers - too confident
- 11-13 "YES" answers - confident
- 1-10 "YES" answers - lack of confidence.
Links to the Management Standards (www.management-standards.org/)
The following standards are particularly relevant to this topic:
C2.1 Develop yourself to improve your performance
C2.2 Manage your own time and resources to meet your objectives
C3.1 Continuously develop your own knowledge and skills
C3.2 Optimise your own resources to meet your objectives
C5.1 Develop the trust and support of colleagues and team members
C5.2 Develop the trust and support of your manager
C5.3 Minimise interpersonal conflict
C6.1 Enhance the trust and support of colleagues
C6.2 Enhance the trust and support of those to whom you report.